I feel like there’s a lot of stuff swirling around in my head at the moment and I’m in the mood for writing some of it down… So here we are 😂
I’m feeling sooo emotional this week! It’s the last week before I start my new teaching job eeeek! I’m very nervous about it; I’ve been out of teaching for around three and a half years now, including maternity leave, which feels like quite a long time. It’s nerve-wracking starting at a new school anyway – so much to learn; routines, timetable, planning, policies… Not to mention getting to know 30 children (and learning all their names!) I used to be amazing at learning kids’ names but I’m wondering if baby brain (which seems to be a bit of a permanent fixture! 🙈🤣) will have destroyed that ability 😱😭 Teaching as part of a job share will be a new dynamic for me too. I’ve been used to having full control over my class, in terms of what I do with them, how I set the classroom up etc, so it will be interesting sharing all that with someone else (who I don’t yet know!) One of my biggest concerns is how I’ll manage the workload. I used to spend most evenings and a large portion of the weekend working, which I didn’t mind toooo much pre-babies. Obviously my priorities have changed somewhat now (they are distinctly more twiglet-shaped 😏), so obviously while I still want to do the best job I can, I will need to be much more strict in managing my time effectively so that I can get some sort of decent work-life balance. Hopefully it will all work out ok 🤞🏻I’ve spoken to quite a few part-time teachers and mummies who seem to be balancing it well, so that’s encouraging. I’m feeling genuinely excited about getting some more of my old self back; doing something for me rather than ‘just’ being mummy. Of course I LOVE being mummy – it’s the best thing I’ve ever done, but it’s good to do things for yourself when you’re ready to as well 😊 I have also been having WAY too much fun buying rainbow stationery 😂🤓
I’m also feeling really emotional about the twiglets, for lots of reasons. They’ll be starting their last year of preschool 😭This in itself is bonkers, given that they were only born like YESTERDAY 😭😭 But I keep finding myself thinking forward to this time next year, when they will be about to start proper school 😭 I can’t even imagine what an absolute wreck I’m going to be when my little bubbas go off to start Reception! I wrote a blog post before about how each of these ‘firsts’ is also a ‘last’ when you know you’re not having any more children – so all these big milestones are intensified and become even more emotional as you know you’re only going to go through them all once. Also, they’ll only just have turned four so will still seem so little 🙊 I realised something really quite obvious today, which is that me going back to work officially marks the end of my time as a stay-at-home mum. As much as I’ve never been sure about that label (I tend to avoid staying at home with them as much as possible as it drives me flipping crazy – we’re usually out and about 🤣), I still feel a bit like it’s the end of an era. I feel that I’ve been really fortunate to have been able to ‘stay home’ with them for three years – I appreciate it’s not for everyone, and to be fair, it’s been harder and much more intense than I could ever have imagined. But I do feel lucky to have had the option. It’s been tough financially, particularly for the last year. If we’d have had a single child I would no doubt have gone back to work after a year’s maternity leave, but having two at once meant it just didn’t make sense as I wouldn’t have earned anything after paying for double childcare (I’ve probably explained this like 50 billion times before, sorry 🤣) But anyway I do feel emotional about this time coming to an end, again partly because I know it will very likely never happen again. I’m also feeling kind of sad about silly things, like whether we’ve done enough fun stuff this summer, whether they’ll cope ok with the longer hours at nursery and just the fact that they’ll be spending more of their week at nursery than with us at home, and how that will affect them. I say these things are silly because we’ve had a lot of fun this summer and it’s not always about going on amazingly exciting days out anyway – some of the loveliest times are those lazy pj mornings being silly at home, or playdates with friends. I’m quite sure they’ll be absolutely fine with the longer nursery days – plenty of kiddies do long days from a much younger age when parents return to work and it’s all gravy 😊 So really I think me worrying about those things is just mum guilt talking – jeez isn’t mum guilt a cowbag?!
Another thing that’s niggling in the back of my mind a little is what I should do with my Instagram 🤔 My page is based around me taking cute photos of the twiglets, writing honest captions and ranting a bit on my Stories. I’m quite proud of my little account and how it’s developed and I love posting on there. Growth has been fairly slow, especially in the last year or so, but I don’t really mind – I’m not doing it for a job or anything. I love the connections I’ve made through Instagram; I’ve met so many amazing people and some are now good friends in real life. It’s been a huge source of support and advice for me – there’s a lot of drama that goes on but I stay well clear and try my best not to offend anyone 😊 From a poll I did on my Stories the other week, it was clear that the main reason people follow me is because I’m real and don’t sugarcoat things. Being naturally quite a shy and socially awkward person, I actually find it easier to be myself on there than in real life 😂 And being myself basically involves sarcasm, ranting and a fair amount of swearing 🙈🤣 So this brings me on to my current concern. What would happen if a parent of a child in my new class were to come across me on Insta? Obviously, how I behave professionally as a teacher is quite different to how I am in my personal life. But when your personal life is a bit public and ‘out there’ to an extent, how does that work? I know this is unlikely to even be an issue – it’s not like I’m super famous and have hundreds of thousands of followers. Please don’t for one second think I’m getting ideas above my station and imagining myself as some kind of celebrity, because I absolutely am not 😂 But the fact is, someone I met in real life did recognise me from Insta the other week, and it got me wondering about if that was to happen with a parent. It feels like it might sort of blur the boundaries between professional and personal a bit, if that makes sense. I mean, what would you think if you saw your child’s teacher in a different context, swearing and moaning about their own kids?? It probably wouldn’t look too good, right? I mean hopefully people would realise that that’s not how that teacher would act in the classroom, but even still… 🤔 So I’m not too sure what to do. I guess the obvious thing would be to make my Instagram page private. I’m a bit reluctant to do this – I know there are lots of reasons for why it’s a good idea anyway, but I love connecting with new people on there and I feel like that would be much harder if my page wasn’t public. I could tone down the swearing a bit but then I feel like I wouldn’t be being real anymore 🤔 The fact is that I’m going to have a lot less time for Insta anyway once I return to work so hopefully it won’t be an issue and I’m just massively overthinking it (as I have a tendency to do with, well, everything 😊) But anyway, we’ll see…
And there ends this little ramble about… not a lot teehee! Thanks for reading! xx