Can Being Twins Ever Hold Your Twins Back?

Yesterday I had a parents’ evening-type meeting thingy (there’s probably a better term for it than that 🀣) with Cora’s keyworker at preschool (Henry’s is in a few days time). The only question I really had for her was about how C is getting on socially. I know her speech, understanding and physical development are really good for her age (which they confirmed) but I have been wondering how she is with other children. She’s a very chatty and sociable little girl, and when we go on playdates, she interacts and plays with other kids really nicely. But I just had a feeling that this may not quite be the case at preschool. Every time I collect the twiglets, I ask them who they’ve seen or played with today and they only ever say each other, the other two sets of twins (who we know outside of nursery too) or the grown-ups. They rarely ever mention any other children and a couple of times when I’ve been early to get them, it’s looked as though they were both just playing on their own. I realise this probably isn’t the case all the time and was just a quick snapshot, but just knowing that C can be a bit strong-willed (let’s be honest – a bossy little madam πŸ™ˆ) made me wonder. Looking at all her nursery sheets and forms, with all the bits and bobs highlighted (wow I am using such technical vocab today – you wouldn’t think I’m a bloody teacher πŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ˜­), it was clear to see that she is advanced in all areas except for her social and emotional development, which was at the level she should be at for her age, so not a big issue or anything. The keyworker told me that C will happily interact with other children if they’re doing an activity which she wants to do at that particular moment, but her focus is more on what she’s doing – she wouldn’t seek out another child just to play with them, regardless of what they were doing, for example. It’s clear she doesn’t yet have any particular friends as such and one of her next steps/targets is to work on exactly that – making a special friend. Now I don’t really know if this is just a developmental thing and is all very normal for her age? Maybe in a few months or a year or so, she will have matured more and become a little less egocentric (learned that in Psychology innit – knew that degree would come in useful one day 🀣) Then maybe she will have more interest in and form closer attachments with other children. Who knows?
But the other thing the keyworker mentioned is that H and C spend the majority of their time together while they’re at preschool. This is an interesting development because they used to always go their separate ways and have barely anything to do with each other while they were there, or at any playgroup we went to for that matter. I’ve been really celebrating the fact that their relationship seems to have strengthened so much lately – they still beat the crap out of each other at times but they will also sit and play together so nicely and seem to have so much more interest in what the other is up to. It’s so amazing and lovely to see the bond they have with each other, and really sweet if this also continues when they’re at preschool. However, I wouldn’t want this to be at the detriment of them making other friends. It would appear that they are just sticking with the familiarity of each other, rather than making the effort with other children. This may well be a common occurrence for twins – I’m not sure. It makes complete sense to me. Also, the keyworker briefly said about H being quite quiet and C often bossing him about and answering questions on his behalf. These are things which happen at home too and we pull her up on it and get her to wait and let H answer for himself, but she is naturally the more dominant character really, plus H does learn a lot from her in terms of speech etc, so it’s difficult to find a balance.
It’s the first time it’s ever crossed my mind that being twins could possibly be holding my twins back, if that makes sense. That notion makes me really sad as I’ve always just thought that them being twins is the most amazing, special thing so it’s weird to think of it being a negative in any way.
Any other twin mamas ever experienced this? I’m just hopeful that it’s yet another phase. The keyworker said they’re giving the twigs opportunities to be separate at preschool and actively encouraging them to play with other children as well as each other. I’m confident that once they go to school, there will be plenty of opportunities, even if they were to be in the same class – which is unlikely anyway, to make friends and mix with lots of children. And as I said, hopefully as they continue to grow, they will just naturally become more interested in forming relationships with other children. I still want to celebrate the bond they have as it really is such a special thing – they are so lucky to have a readymade friend for life in each other.

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