The day after I left my teaching job at the beginning of the year, I felt like I’d been hit by a bus. I think it was a combination of things – relief, alllll the emotions, exhaustion, sleep deprivation, all the anxiety I’d been feeling… I think it all just caught up with me a bit.
Anyway, I had a shower in an attempt to make myself feel slightly more human. Ignoring the fact that I could hear the twiglets next door destroying their bedroom and each other, I decided to take the extra 5 minutes in the shower to shave my legs. I knew it would make me feel that bit… nicer, you know? As I did, I thought ‘ooh I’m doing some self care!’ Then I quickly checked myself and thought ‘no – you’re shaving your legs because you resemble a yeti and could probably weave an entire rug out of your leg hair you tit!’ 🙈
I’ve been feeling a bit lost recently – well, since the twiglets started school really. I haven’t been able to put my finger on exactly why. It’s like there’s something niggling at the back of my mind but I can’t quite manage to bring it to the forefront so I can work out what it actually is. The other evening I was feeling this way and suddenly found myself saying to the husband: ‘There’s just no point to me anymore.’ I didn’t even really know what I meant – it just came out.
If you’ve been reading my blog or following me on Instagram for a while, you will probably be aware that sleep (or lack thereof!) has always been one of our biggest struggles with the twiglets. Generally things are much much better than they used to be (I mean when they were babies I could regularly be found Googling whether or not you could actually die from sleep deprivation 🙈) These days, more often than not (excuse me while I just touch all the wood in the universe!) C will sleep through the night. Don’t get me wrong, it can be an utter ballache to get her to go to sleep in the first place, but once she’s down she generally stays there! 🤣 H on the other hand, can still wake a few times a night, and, as has always been the case, I’m never really quite sure of the reason why 🤔
A fact you may well already know about me: I love rainbows. I love wearing them myself and I love dressing my kids in them 😁🌈 Recently I’ve had a few people ask me: ‘But what are you going to do if they turn around to you one day and say they don’t want to wear rainbows any more?!’ Well… not dress them in them anymore obvs 😂
In some ways, it feels like only yesterday that we were sat on the sofa in our living room, having just returned from hospital, with two tiny, helpless babies in car seats, looking at each other like ‘so wtf do we do now?!’ Overwhelmed, emotional and bloody knackered…