Outnumbered

Do you ever feel like your children are ganging up on you? Conspiring against you to send you into some sort of mental breakdown, while they no doubt point and laugh uproariously? I certainly do πŸ™ˆ
I find that the twiglets behave completely differently depending on whether they’re together or separate. Separately they can actually be quite sweet, well-behaved children who you could almost imagine being integrated nicely into society… Together, they are the devil in-f**king-carnate. I don’t know if it’s a twin thing, or just a general sibling thing, but I definitely think the closeness in age has a big part to play.
A little example… In the mornings, I will often put one twin in their bedroom with some books, toys etc (with the safety gate on the door shut) and the other downstairs in the living room (also with the gate shut). That way, I know they’re safely contained and there’s not a huge amount of mischief they can get up to (ha f**king ha). Sometimes, however, I take leave of my senses. This morning, I allowed them to make their own way downstairs together after I’d dressed them, trusting that they would just go and watch CBeebies in the living room (clue: NEVER trust an almost-3-year-old, and definitely not two of them!) When I came down after five or so minutes, they were sat on the coffee table, with open bottles of undiluted squash which they had managed to swipe from the locked kitchen cupboard, and were merrily swigging from and shaking around everywhere, while singing and laughing. Their clothes, which had been on clean just minutes before, were drenched in orange and purple liquid, as was the table and the floor. We needed to leave for nursery basically right then. Needless to say, I lost my sh*t somewhat. The twiglets didn’t care of course – if anything my fury just added to their amusement. I swear I’m raising a pair of psychopaths 😭 Anyway, after stripping them and telling them they would never be allowed any squash (or treats or chocolate or lollies etc etc) again EVER, I went to get more clothes, slipped on a puddle of f’ing squash on the floor, and stacked it hard, banging my knee. I lay there face down for a minute and cried – partly because it wasn’t even 9am and I’d had enough, and partly because, despite pushing two babies out of my vag in very quick succession (one with a head the size of China) I have the pain threshold of an infant flea. The psychopaths did then ask what was wrong and if I was ok, but very insincerely – I think they were probably just worried about who they would terrorise now if they’d actually killed me off. Anyway I eventually pulled myself together and got them ready (again). I’ve no idea how much neat squash they actually drank (C gleefully informed me it was β€˜lots and lots’ 😬) but they certainly seemed pretty off their tits by the time I dropped them off at nursery. And just to add to the crap mothering this morning, I didn’t even brush their teeth after as I forgot/was too busy trying to get Out. The. Bloody. Door.
So that was just a little insight into the sheer ridiculousness of my life πŸ˜‚ I’m very used to being outnumbered by my children. I’ve never known any different and learnt to adapt very quickly when they were born – from rocking one baby in a bouncer with my foot while winding the other on my lap, to changing a nappy one-handed while feeding the other a bottle of milk with my chin so I could take a sip of lukewarm coffee. All multiple mums will relate to those kinds of scenarios πŸ˜‚ Being outnumbered by babies is HARD. Especially when they both need your attention and are screaming and you can’t physically split yourself in two. I remember when I used to desperately ask twin mums with older kids if it got easier, and they’d say β€˜not really, the challenges are just different.’ I see what they mean now. Being outnumbered by toddlers is also hard, but in very different ways. And actually, for me personally, nothing will be quite as hard or as overwhelming as those sleepless newborn days with two tiny babies who I couldn’t feed the way I wanted, who I had no idea what I was doing with and who spent a large proportion of their time crying and I had to try and guess why. I have to remind myself of that when the twigs are driving me up the wall now. Also, I’m sure in a few years, which will no doubt fly by (😭), I will look back on all these toddler dramas and find them pretty bloody funny πŸ˜‚ Anyone else relate to feeling outnumbered by their kids? 😊

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