So… My waters had broken (I think just those of Twin 1 – Henry 🤔) There was meconium in the waters so they monitored his heart rate closely. I had two big bands across my bump connected to a machine which was constantly churning out a printout of their heart rates. A lot of that morning is a bit of a blur really but I remember walking up and down the corridor a lot and having an internal examination to check my cervix which was about the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. I was transferred down the corridor to a delivery room where I met my midwife Susan – the most beautiful, amazing gem of a woman, who was 33 weeks pregnant herself but hopped about like a sprightly gazelle, speaking in soft, lilting Irish tones. I was hooked up to an internal heart monitor – I think to ensure they were getting an accurate reading of each twin’s heartbeat – this involved an electrode being inserted and placed on Twin 1’s scalp. I really can’t remember the timings of everything at all but I also had an epidural at some point. I’d always known I would be having an epidural as the consultant strongly advised it when we discussed having a natural delivery. I was on the gas and air but I think I must be about the only person who hated it! I really disliked the lightheaded feeling it gave me so I didn’t use it properly. It was so difficult to stay still while they administered the epidural, especially during contractions. Anyway that was fine and I think at some point in the afternoon I slept for a while but again, I can’t remember when. I wasn’t allowed any food due to the high risk of needing a C-section but I ended up pleading (I am not a nice person when I get hangry!) and was eventually given a tiny, slightly manky banana to keep me going 😂
Eventually the lovely midwife said it was time to start pushing. It is the weirdest feeling ever trying to push when you have no idea what it should feel like as you’ve never done it before, but then you can’t feel anything anyway because everything’s numb. I remember I kept asking over and over ‘Is this ok? Am I doing it?’ as I literally had no idea. I couldn’t feel the contractions so it was a case of watching the machine and pushing as hard as I could every time the spiky things went crazy. I had no idea (and still don’t) whether I pooed myself or not – if I did it was obviously handled very discreetly 😂 Before the pushing started, I was so anxious that it might happen but once I was ‘in the zone’ I couldn’t have cared less. It was almost like the start of the maternal instincts kicking in – at that point, the babies were more important than anything else and I just wanted to do everything possible to push them out. I also didn’t give a crap about the fact that I had my legs up in stirrups with everything out for all to see – and I had a lot of visitors popping in and out to check on my progress (not like family and friends – I mean medical people! Ha can you imagine?! 😂)
Unfortunately it became apparent that it wasn’t really happening. I pushed with all my might for two solid hours. I didn’t register feeling tired or anything (despite being fuelled solely by that one manky banana) – some kind of crazed determination had taken hold I think. It wasn’t having twins that was the problem – it was the fact that Twin 1 (Henry), although only on the 50th centile for weight, was on the 98th for head circumference (obviously we only knew the specifics after he was born – however, at one of our growth scans previously, they had called in a consultant as they were concerned that his head was measuring so big. They decided it was fine but it was quite amusing when the sonographer looked Rob up and down then said ‘yeah I think it’s probably inherited’ 😂). Anyway that kid has a lot to answer for as he’s basically singleheadedly responsible for the destruction of my undercarriage 😭 But more on that later (ooh I bet you can’t wait 😂😂)
Back to it… As soon as a consultant became available, I was transferred to theatre to have some assistance with pushing, in the form of a ventouse. The theatre was in stark contrast to the delivery room, which was almost friendly by comparison. Everything was glaringly white and clinical, and instead of my one lovely midwife, I suddenly had about 15 people around me. They gave me some sort of f**k-off super-strength epidural which made me extremely woozy (my memories are very hazy too) – I remember the guy spraying cold water on me to check that I couldn’t feel it. The pushing began again and I was vaguely aware that the consultant lady was doing stuff down there (otherwise known as an episiotomy). I’m sure I remember seeing Rob’s face at one point and his expression was pretty much pure horror 😂 Birth for us was certainly pretty far from the beautiful, magical moment you dream of 🙈 Rob later informed me it looked like a car crash scene 🙈 Eventually Henry Arthur was born/yanked out at 7.20pm (Friday 3rd July 2015) weighing 7lb7oz. They held him up to show me but all I remember is feeling quite horrified at the amount of blood and just feeling really out of it. It makes me so sad to think about it now. I didn’t even get to hold him as he was whisked off and I had to focus my attention on getting my next bubba out. I do remember breathing a big sigh of relief when I heard him cry from the other side of the room.
So I was lying there on a table in the middle of this theatre with basically a crowd of people around me. My amazing midwife was still there – she stayed by my side encouraging me through the whole thing. Someone was holding tight around my stomach to ensure that Twin 2 didn’t start having a party because of all the space she suddenly had and turn the wrong way. Anyway I started to push again and at 7.33 pm Cora Ann was born, weighing 5lb9oz. I did get to hold her briefly but then she was also taken off so that I could get stitched up. I think it was around then, once the babies had been cleaned, weighed and wrapped up, that they were put into a clear plastic cot and wheeled out with Rob. My midwife also said goodbye and told me that her shift had actually ended quite a while ago but that she couldn’t leave without knowing the babies were born safe and seeing them, which even in my semi-conscious state, I remember feeling so so touched by 😭😭 I felt properly out of it by this point – a mixture of exhaustion, relief and being absolutely off my tits on all the drugs. I remember feeling very sick while the consultant was doing the stitching and actually having to puke but having nothing in my stomach so it was just gross bile stuff 🤢 Anyway, after what seemed like forever, she was done and left the room and I think I probably fell asleep or something, presumably not for long. All I remember is coming round and being aware of all the people in the room starting to flap (probably an unfortunate choice of word!😂) and hearing the word ‘haemorrhage ‘ and feeling really quite scared. It turned out that my stitches had suddenly come apart and I was losing a lot of blood. Another consultant came in and restitched me and I was eventually reunited with Rob and the babies and moved into the High Dependency Unit.
I don’t remember a lot about that first night at all – I was out of it and so were the babies. I do remember a male nurse milking me like a cow during the night as I struggled to hand express – what a picture 🙈 Anyway I was in hospital for five days (lucky enough to be in a private room which was fab) and during that time I ended up having a blood transfusion due to the amount of blood I lost during the birth. This made me feel a lot stronger, as for the first couple of days I was gradually turning greyer (my skin not my hair – that came later! 🤣) Being so weak didn’t help with the difficulties I had trying to breastfeed (I’ve already written a post about that so won’t go off on one again 🙈😂) Anyway as I said it’s all rather blurry in my memory but I know I was extremely emotional and overwhelmed and relieved and terrified and guilty and overjoyed and probably a whole host of other things too. I definitely remember being gripped by a feeling of utter terror when we were finally discharged to go home – how were we going to cope looking after two tiny creatures who were entirely dependent on us yet we had no clue what we were doing? How would I manage without having a midwife come running at the touch of a button? The weight of responsibility was huge but looking at those tiny, innocent little faces, I knew we had everything we’d always wanted and somehow we’d make it work.
(Me and Cora 😍 I don’t have a photo of me with both of them 😭)
(My beautiful babies 😍)