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Since the lockdown rules were relaxed slightly, we haven’t really changed what we’ve been doing all that much. Still staying at home the vast majority of the time and just heading out for the odd local walk. But a couple of times we have tried going a little further afield and travelling by car to go for a walk. And to be honest, both times I’ve just found it really stressful and anxiety-inducing. I wrote a post before about how I’m feeling anxious about lockdown ending. And as lockdown starts to ease, I feel like the thing I’m struggling with the most is going out.
Last weekend we headed out for a drive, with the intention of stopping off at some woodland somewhere for a walk. Only every single car park we went past was absolutely rammed. And I refused to even try to stop in any of them because they were just so busy. In the end we did manage to stop on the Downs not far from us, where it was very open and easy to keep our distance. We had a nice sit-down on the grass in the sunshine and the twigs had a good run-around, and it was lovely. In the end!
Anxiety about going out
My other half is a lot more relaxed than me about it all. Well, about most things to be fair, but definitely about this. He’s the one who’s been doing the weekly shopping for our family so I think he is just a lot more used to going out than me at the moment.
I just find my anxiety levels gradually rising as soon as I leave the safe bubble of our house at the moment. I’m not sure exactly sure why. None of us are classed as vulnerable. (I know that doesn’t necessarily mean you’d be protected from getting severely ill, but obviously the risk is much lower). It’s more about putting others at risk I think. If the rules were to change soon meaning that I could see my mum, I really wouldn’t want to have to delay that after it’s been such a long time.
I don’t know, I can’t explain why I feel so anxious going out really. It does stress me out that so many people seem to not be making any effort whatsoever with social distancing now though.
What social distancing?
For example, the other evening we went to a big lake about a 45 minute drive from us. We deliberately went in the early evening for a picnic in the hope it would be quieter.
It wasn’t. It was absolutely packed. The car park was full and the surrounding roads were rammed so we had to park quite a way away. Then we had to walk along a fairly narrow path to get to the entrance. We were holding on tight to H and C and practically falling into a ditch as we tried to keep to the side as much as we could. Yet I swear not a single person even slightly moved over for us as we came towards them!
On the path around the lake it was much the same. Us desperately trying to steer ourselves around everyone and nobody else apparently giving a crap! I’m sure it isn’t the same everywhere but it literally felt like everybody had just gone back to normal, like nothing was even going on.
Am I being pathetic?
I do feel like I’m being a bit pathetic struggling so much with going out. It seems a bit ridiculous when there are plenty of people who’ve been going out to work throughout this whole lockdown period. To be fair, if I had been needed in school at any point, obviously I would have gone in without question. And I wonder if I’d actually be feeling less anxious in a way now, because it would feel a bit more normal to be going out?
I’m completely rambling now. But is it just me or is anyone else struggling like this with going out? I feel like we’re all going to need some kind of therapy when this is eventually all over, just to be reacquainted with society! I’m being flippant but seriously, I do wonder about the effects lockdown must be having on people’s mental health. Obviously it has to be done and is so important, but I feel for those with anxiety issues and so on.
I think it’s going to take a lot of people a while to readjust to society again. For now I think we will just carry on staying local, although even local parks still feel very busy!
Anyway thanks for reading what turned into a bit of a ramble!
Til next time,