Positively Not Body Positive

Colourful selfie

Quite a while ago I wrote a post called ‘Mum Tum: Lose It or Love it’ (read it here). It was about how, at that time, I wasn’t hugely bothered about my big post-pregnancy jelly belly. I wouldn’t say I was feeling super body positive or anything, but certainly not unhappy enough to do anything about it. But while on holiday last week, I realised that something had changed.

When we were away, there were women of all shapes and sizes by the pool. Noone gave a flying f**k what anyone else looked like in a swimsuit, and yet… I realised that my confidence in how I looked was severely lacking.

I’m not a very confident person in general, however pre-children my body was one thing I did feel fairly comfortable with. Of course, the peas-on-an-ironing-board boobs could have been improved on 😉 But I used to be one of those irritating people who could eat pretty much anything and not really put on weight.

Me on honeymoon pre-babies

Me pre-babies on our honeymoon (with a ridiculous tan!)

All of that changed completely when I got pregnant with the twiglets, put on over 4 stone and stretched my stomach beyond all recognition. And to be fair, it wasn’t just the pregnancy to blame. I by no means ‘snapped back’ anyway but nearly four years of extended ‘maternity leave’ and eating alllll the cake certainly took its toll 🙈 The fact that the twigs didn’t start sleeping properly for about 3.5 of those years did not help either. I mean sugar and caffeine are basically a necessity when you’re chronically sleep-deprived right? 😳

Anyway, suffice to say I’ve put on a fair amount of weight since having the twigs, which I really didn’t feel too bothered about… Until this holiday. I found myself feeling really quite uncomfortable in my swimsuits. I’m not sure why anything was different to last year 🤔 I guess I probably have just put on more since then. Also I guess because more time has passed since having babies, maybe I feel like I should be feeling a bit more myself by now? I’d accepted that I probably wouldn’t feel comfortable enough to wear a bikini for a long time (if ever!) but I was surprised at how I felt even just in a one-piece swimming costume.

It’s not just the weight. I realise I’m not massively obese or anything but I know I’m quite big for my natural frame right now, and I just don’t feel particularly healthy.

Not feeling very body positive in my swimsuit

Us On Holiday in Majorca

All the emphasis in the media on being body positive is great. I genuinely love the message that women can and should feel happy in themselves whatever their size. The likes of @bodyposipanda on Instagram are really inspirational. However, I do think it can seem like quite a lot of pressure to feel that way and actually, right now, I really don’t. And I think that’s ok too.

I’m not sure that I’ll be going on any proper diet or programme or anything as that’s not just not really me (basically I don’t have the discipline or self-motivation 🙈🤣) I also don’t expect to ever look the way I used to, and that’s absolutely fine. However, I am going to have a real think about how I can make some positive changes in terms of food and exercise. I just want to feel a bit happier and healthier. And hopefully this might then lead to feeling a bit more body positive 😊

2 thoughts on “Positively Not Body Positive

  1. You genuinely look amazing and I’m not just saying that. I totally get you though and was in near tears buying swimwear for our holiday – there I am in asda worrying I’m going to be wearing th same as my mum but those were the most “flattering”. I know Jon doesn’t care but I do. Esepcially as I’m nearly at the weight I said I’d never be again. No real point to my ramble except you’re awesome, inside and out, and nothing will change that perception of you 🙂 x

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