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Quite a while ago I wrote a post about how I was feeling about my mum tum. It was about how, at that time, I wasn’t hugely bothered about my big post-pregnancy jelly belly. I wouldn’t say I was feeling super body positive or anything, but certainly not unhappy enough to do anything about it. But while on holiday last week, I realised that something had changed. But is it ok if you’re not body positive?
When we were away, there were women of all shapes and sizes by the pool. Noone gave a flying f**k what anyone else looked like in a swimsuit, and yet… I realised that my confidence in how I looked was severely lacking.
I was body positive before I had children
I’m not a very confident person in general, however pre-children my body was one thing I did feel fairly comfortable with. Of course, the peas-on-an-ironing-board boobs could have been improved on 😉 But I used to be one of those irritating people who could eat pretty much anything and not really put on weight.
My body changed so much in pregnancy
All of that changed completely when I got pregnant with the twiglets, put on over 4 stone and stretched my stomach beyond all recognition.
And to be fair, it wasn’t just the pregnancy to blame. I by no means ‘snapped back’ anyway! But nearly four years of extended ‘maternity leave’ and eating alllll the cake certainly took its toll 🙈
The fact that the twigs didn’t start sleeping properly for about 3.5 of those years did not help either. I mean sugar and caffeine are basically a necessity when you’re chronically sleep-deprived right? 😳
I realised I wasn’t feeling body positive on holiday
Anyway, suffice to say I’ve put on a fair amount of weight since having the twigs, which I really didn’t feel too bothered about…
Until this holiday.
I found myself feeling really quite uncomfortable in my swimsuits. I’m not sure why anything was different to last year 🤔 I guess I probably have just put on more since then.
Also I guess because more time has passed since having babies, maybe I feel like I should be feeling a bit more myself by now? I’d accepted that I probably wouldn’t feel comfortable enough to wear a bikini for a long time (if ever!) But I was surprised at how I felt even just in a one-piece swimming costume.
I don’t feel that healthy either
It’s not just the weight. I realise I’m not massively obese or anything but I know I’m quite big for my natural frame right now, and I just don’t feel particularly healthy.
The media put pressure on us to feel body positive
All the emphasis in the media on being body positive is great. I genuinely love the message that women can and should feel happy in themselves whatever their size. The likes of @bodyposipanda on Instagram are really inspirational.
However, I do think it can seem like quite a lot of pressure to feel that way and actually, right now, I really don’t. And I think that’s ok too.
I am going to make some changes…
I’m not sure that I’ll be going on any proper diet or programme or anything as that’s not just not really me. (Basically I don’t have the discipline or self-motivation 🙈🤣) I also don’t expect to ever look the way I used to, and that’s absolutely fine.
However, I am going to have a real think about how I can make some positive changes in terms of food and exercise. I just want to feel a bit happier and healthier. And hopefully this might then lead to feeling a bit more body positive 😊
So in conclusion, I think it is ok if you’re not feeling body positive right now. You don’t have to be happy with your body all the time and it’s fine to admit that. I guess the key is not getting too hung up on it. There are plenty more things in life to worry about than what you look like after all 🙂
Thanks for reading! Til next time,